[Private] Fools Gold

How did he not know? Was it something so awful that Blaise was keeping it from the coven? I bumped into Madee at Safeway not too long ago and she hardly mentioned the Coven or her Archmage at all. To be fair, I hadn't mentioned it either. Reminiscing now made me feel more selfish than ever, I had always kept my focus on other people and their battles, so focusing on myself at the time didn't feel like such a bad thing. Now that I knew he had suffered a whole ass brain injury, the guilt was piling on with each second that past. He told me "it's in the past", but this didn't apply here. He didn't know the past. He didn't know me. Lucus didn't know me. Who had done the undoing and why?

See the good in all things. My mother used to tell me and she was right. This helped me throughout my whole life. It didn't matter how terrible the moment was or felt, the sun came out brighter than ever the following day. Anyway and anywhere I went, I knew I was going to be alright. So this... this was just a little hiccup in his story, our story. It was something that we'd have to get past. Instantly, I knew my role in this journey. I would just have to help my friend remember not just who I was, but who he was. It was a journey that would be tenfold more rewarding than the destination. You are right. I said with a real smile, eyes closed shut. I won't apologize. I'll just have to help you remember.

What brought me to the park? I stood up and clapped my hands together to comfort myself from the stretch of the parks chill. You, of course. I shrugged it off as if to say how could he not know that it was fate. Fate had a funny way of making things work out, just right, exactly so. I believed it wholeheartedly because I didn't actually frequent this park. It was fate that I chose to run here today. Face ID unlocked my phone and I opened my "favorites" photo album, scrolling up until I found the one. This was the night of the ball in Italy. It was a selfie of us both in the limo, I felt like a Princess that night. I felt like a billion bucks, I'd never worn or owned anything like what I wore for the ball. I put on a familiar song and placed my beats on his head, passing the phone to him. The song was One Direction's  Fool's Gold. The beats had noise cancellation, so I'm sure he couldn't hear but I said, Remember. Because how could he forget? There was no reasonable explanation for how he could forget that trip or me.

Maybe the photo would help recall a memory, even if it was a bad one, like what happened with Gio at the Trevi. Anything?

Could a meeting such as this be fate? Is that what she was insinuating when she meant she was here because of me? There were many things that I had believed in, and fate was one of those things that I knew was a concept. Had I experienced it, perhaps? Lately, when I struggled, I felt like it meant that I had to learn something from going through this. A portion of me knew that there was something sinister behind the dark passenger that lingered in the back of my mind. Maybe I was foolish for ignoring him, but I didn’t want to admit that there was yet another thing wrong with me. Being a broken individual was one thing, but being broken and dangerous could be hazardous.

She placed her phone in my hand, reflecting an image of the both of us. All dressed up and smiling. That Lucus seemed like so long ago. Before I could even reply, she set her beats on my head, and a soft melody filled the silence that had been around us. Music was a universal language for those that couldn’t describe their feelings in the perfect set of words. It was how people could touch the heart and reach out, something that everyone could relate to. It was a powerful thing. The wheels in my head clicked and pull as an image poured behind my now-closed eyes.

---

Snow slowly drifted down around us as a soft piano ballad played in a room behind us. Alina was dressed in a divine red and black dress, but I locked her emerald eyes on mine. My eyes stayed connected with hers, and my hand moved up to the side of her cheek, brushing away bits of snow. My heart pounded. I hesitantly went for it at first and wondered whether she felt the same would soon be known. Closing whatever distance there was between us; my lips touched hers softly, slowly, kissing her with a passion that I hadn’t shown another woman in so long.

“I like this. What we have. I like it so much. The connection. But Luc, I can’t help but feel like I left my heart back home. I told you there was a wolf I liked. Well... I still have feelings for him, and I can’t do this with you... not until I figure out what...” she frantically said.

“I’m not going anywhere. That promise I made back at my place, I still stand by it, and if that time comes, and that guy breaks your heart, I’ll be here. I know what it’s like being in a position where the woman is being pulled two separate ways, and I trust that your heart will guide you. Whether it’s with me or the other guy, I will be here no matter what.”

---

The world came back into focus as I opened my eyes. The wheels of the cog snagged and the more I tugged, the more it resisted. It was a fraction of what that night had meant for the both of us. But it was something. I slid the Beats off my ears and let them hang around my neck. I reached my hand out, trying to feel what I felt that night. A connection, a remembrance. “Lina.” I whispered her name and placed my head against hers like I had that night. I was grasping at straws, but those memories, those thoughts, were still gone.

Was there still something there? Her last name correction now made sense. I hadn’t been the man she chose to be with, but I had stayed to my word. But now that I was fucked up, how could I stay true to that word? We hadn’t seen each other in some time. Was it because I distanced myself for a reason? “I’m sorry. I don’t remember everything. Just you singing that song, and what we shared after. That’s it. I’m sorry.” I stayed there though, I didn’t move. This was one of the few connections that I had besides those that were in my coven. She didn’t run, she was trying to help.

Unforgettable. That's what a soulmate was. I believed that with every fiber in my being. So how could I remind Lucus what that could possibly feel like? How do you remind someone of a feeling? I was master at wearing my feelings on my sleeve, but how do I describe them to someone who might of lost all his? How does something unforgettable become forgettable? The answer could only be magic. A spectra I was so fascinated by just a few months earlier had become a thing I avoided thinking about now. When I thought of magic in the world, I thought about the simple things. Something so simple as a small child winning a bear from the claw machine or a parent taking photos of her rainbow baby. Those miracles that didn't involve magic at all were actually the ones that were starting to penetrate deep into my heart. However, at times, I did miss the spark that came with having a best friend that belonged to the magical world. He could make my wildest dreams possible, sometimes, he did just that. Lucus was the type to deliver when asked, no matter how tedious the task.

It was a gift, but also a flaw. I was often worried about others taking advantage of him. Especially River Stein. There was only one person on this earth I hated more than River Stein and that was...I halted the thought in its tracks. I told myself I wouldn't think of her, no them. They could do as they pleased and it shouldn't, no it wouldn't, bother me. The funny thing was that she was so ugly that the image of her caused physical pain to my eyeballs, even without her being physically present. I was an artist, I knew what art was and what dumpster fire was, and she was nothing of art...but only she wasn't ugly. She had longer legs than me, sexier eyes than me, bigger boobs than me, she was prettier than me. We spoke about Lucus's character flaw earlier, but could this be mine? The fact that I took comfort in lying to myself to make me feel better? But boy, did I not hate anyone more than that freaking River Stein. Now, I'd grown to like her brother Richter. I think it was my time with him at the wedding, the common mistake we'd made in getting married, and the empathy he showed me in a time when I thought I'd freaking die of a heart break.

Anywho, let's get back to the story, shall we? Yeah, River, so I do not condone her even being six-feet in proximity of Lucus, even post Covid. Had he forgotten about her too? Ooh, I would be so freaking pissed if he remembered her and not me, livid. L-I-V-I-D. All it took was a word to bring me back. My name, no my nickname. One all the men in my life had adopted and I adored...Lina. He had called me Lina. This was all it took to replace those negative thoughts I had seconds earlier, the thoughts of anger and jealously. They were never welcome in this friendship. In fact, I knew it was a feeling we both felt regarding each other some time ago. Him with Sawyer, and I with River. I couldn't help but think this a lesson in romantics, a lesson in the purest form of friendship. What a way to humble us, man upstairs? I had taken hold of his hand when he extended it, shocked at how cold his fingertips felt against my own. It's okay if you don't remember me. I said with a small smile. I meant it because I had faith that he would come around.

I sat beside him, placing my hands on my lap. Because I haven't changed. Not one bit, I am the same old Lina and I intend on reminding you of that. Apart from some minor tweaks, I was practically the same. There was nothing more in this world I could want than to leave it better than I found it, and that applied to all things in my life. It's only slightly confusing how it could be different for others. It was a difficult pill to slow when I found out other people didn't think the same way. I knew Lucus did though and that gave me some comfort today. Why don't we get out of here? I asked with an arch of a brow. I did not have a plan, but as I asked, I tried to quickly think one up. Hmmm... There wasn't much we could do and it wasn't a weekend, but anything was better than the way I'd found him.

BINGO! My eyes widened. So...Mark your calendar completely free for this weekend. Don't ask any questions. I shot right back up, clapping my hands again, this time in excitement rather than determination. I'll connect with Blaise and then you will be looped in. No biggie. I hugged him tightly and skipped to my car. So freaking excited for this, I couldn't be more of a genius really. Drive safe! Don't forget that green means go, red means stop! I shouted as I made a run for my car.

Here I was thinking there would be more to talk about, but this woman suddenly bursts. Lina suggested getting away from here, which only confused me even more. She had just gotten here. The peace I had found shattered the instant she arrived. The solace within the drug’s grasp collided with the memories that fought to bring themselves forward. I frowned. Why was it that every moment I remembered had been brief? A fleeting wave of hope was snuffed out just as quickly. Was I doomed to never know what once was? Just little peeks into the past to make me want more than to rip it away?

The levels of frustration I felt toppled over as soon as she walked away. Not a single word left my mouth. It left me with more questions than I had answers. This seemed to be typical for me, didn’t it? I let out a long sigh, wanting to say more or rebut her comment on making my weekend clear. The weekend wouldn’t warrant anything new; I knew that much. It wouldn’t matter how much someone shoved me around, nothing would come of it. I reveled in the thought that she would want to try. One, Blaise, and a few others from the coven, have tried everything they can think of. Nothing broke the bond that kept everything silent. What could one weekend accomplish when even magic didn’t work?

Perhaps I should make peace with the demon that lingered in the back of my mind. Play nice and allow him to take a ride every so often. If it weren’t because I knew I would lose who I was completely, I would let it happen in a heartbeat. Anything to silence him, and maybe, just maybe, find out who I once was. “Alright.” I sighed in the direction Lina had run off in, too. I knew how to drive. Taking in the striking colors of the sky, I sat back down and laid my head back. Maybe I should just leave? Would running away from the past be better than trying to remember every time something revealed itself?

I could start fresh, away from everything here that would trigger a memory. I could be free from the pressure that was building up inside of me. Remove the problem, and the triggers and I’d be fine. The thought itself was tempting to run away. Give up and toss that towel in and let no one know what would become of me. I raked my hands through my hair. Placing my elbows onto my knees, I let my head fall forward and rest in the palms of my hands. A yell broke through, a sound that I couldn’t even describe. It was as if something within me had died, and I couldn’t control it. I was breaking more than I wanted to, and it was getting to me. Everyone, even myself, would pay for the battle I was losing.

As if nothing had happened, I got up. My hands found themselves buried in my jacket pockets. “I can’t run from myself. I’m a monster.” Beneath my breath, I whispered as a woman walked past me, but when I looked at her, my eyes shone with violet hues, instead of my earthen brown. Something within me stirred, and I knew I was in trouble. How long would it be this time? “Sorry.” The world went silent, and I blacked out.